Today was very special.
And I want everyone to know that corrupt cops are still a fact of life
in this part of the world. As you might
recall, I have a friend, Tom Bosman, who is a couple days ahead of me. On
Sunday he reported being shaken down for bribes 3 times after he crossed to
Azerbaijan. They got about $150 from Tom and left him with nothing.
So for the past couple days I had been sweating the crossing
into Azerbaijan. As it turns out my worries were not unfounded.
I prepared my throw away wallet with expired credit cards and
expired driver’s license. I hid my cash. I started at 4:30 am to get a head
start on the bad guys. It did not work. But I also practiced my talking points
and negotiating sentences. And that did work.
Tom had reported being pulled over at 50 Km south of the
Georgia - Azerbaijan border. At 51 Km there is a police station, and they also
hassled Tom there. I was early and went through
the police check point. But, just like clockwork as I got to 52 Km south of the
border the lights came on and I was pulled over.
There was a guy in civilian clothes who got out on the
passenger side, and a uniform traffic cop stayed in the car. I think the
civilian was along because he spoke some English. The purported infraction was
speeding 62 in a 40. That was pure fiction because I had been on the watch out
for speed signs. Anyway I was put in the car and they asked for my documents. I
gave them the bike papers, and the throwaway license. That was an error. The
guy was bright enough to see the license was expired, and that did not help. He
said the fine was $500 and we would go to the bank. All of this is taking place
in Russian and pidgin English on his part.
He wanted the cash there, and I said no. I said write the ticket
and I will pay at the official office. At that point he tried to kick me out of
the patrol car and keep my license. But I just sat there and asked for my license
back. Derek Welch and I had practiced the scenario a bit at his apartment. And
it called for just sitting there and doing nothing except burn time. And burn
time I did. I just started telling the guy that I was prohibited from paying
any fine directly to a policeman, and that I would have to report that to the
Consul.
After about what seems like a long time, but was probably not
more than 3 or 4 minutes, he started writing numbers. I then told his civilian
buddy that I could not pay a fine for an infraction to a policeman. But I could
give a gift “friend to friend”. By now
they wanted rid of me because I would not get out of the car; and when they
insisted I put my wrists out and did the old “slap the cuffs on – take me in”
routine. They wanted cash, not some old guy.
He kept pushing for $500. Finally I said “ I would make a
gift of $50 friend to friend” and he bought that. I pulled the $50 I had
already budgeted out of my pocket, took my license and handed over the cash.
Then we all shook hands and bid each other good-bye after our successful negotiations.
So based on Tom’s experience I knew there was at least one
more bad guy out there. I did not meet Tom’s bad guy. But I met my own. There
was another checkpoint / police station 130 Km south of the border right where
the M5 road turns into a 4 lane divided highway near Gyanja. I could have
avoided this road, but I kept following the signs to Baku because me gps was
giving me fits again.
When I got to the check point a guy pulled me over and wanted
to check my blinkers, caution flashers, and paperwork. Then his buddy said
follow me and they took me up to an office in the police station. At first it was just me and two guys. They
explained that I was doing 78 in a 40 km residential zone. Once again, the
accusation was fiction and just an excuse to work on a bribe. But it was a lot
more comfortable negotiating in the office than in a patrol car. I just stalled
and stalled. Finally two more guys came in and they explained that the fine
was, now wait for it, $500. How coincidental is that?
By now I had some practice at this and was actually enjoying
the game a bit. Then I pulled the old “slap the cuffs on” deal and the new guy
said “No, No , No” No cuffs, no arrest,
you have to give us your number. Once
again this is in Russian and pidgeon English.
I started to laugh and said “now I understand, we have
entered negotiations”. There was a lot of “Da,Da” . I said I cannot pay a
policeman, but I could make a gift “friend to friend”. They really liked that
idea, and then I said $50 (my budgeted amount). The first guy said 50 for each
or a hundred. I pulled out $50 put it on the table and took my documents. No
hand over, just pulled them back. Now everyone was happy.
But it does not end. I asked for tea. They said sure. So I
was brought outside and served some tea, and given a couple of tomatoes and
bread to eat. We all sat around and visited as “friend to friend” and they
assured me my police problems were over.
So I left and went down the road, which is not the one I
should have taken, to Baku. I pulled over and reloaded my cash and paperwork,
because I had learned some new lessons and reinforced some of my skills from
being a lawyer.
I never let them see my money. They had no idea how much I
had, or where. I waited for exasperation to set in. I made them work for it. And I never said I
was in a hurry. When asked I said I was here for 3 weeks, which is what my visa
says, and that I would take a couple days to get to Baku. And practice your negotiation and sentences in advance. When it is happening there is too much pressure to be making it up. It worked for me.
I had no other run ins. And I really do not have a bad taste
in my mouth about the country. I was treated no differently that lots of
Georgians, because they had told me their Azerbaian cop war stories. So in the
end it was just a toll charge with a little back and forth gamesmanship thrown
in.
So today was pretty tough, but not overwhelming. It was a 14 hour ride to Baku. It should have been 9. But I am here and all is well.
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